My random ramblings...: *mixed*

My random ramblings...

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37v4.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

*mixed*

right ok... get ready for a loooooooooooong post... it's been a 'weird' day today so far... some things i'm really hyped about (good thing) other things i'm really sad about, and some things have left me utterly frustrated, but not, coz i have this sorta peace at the same time, and other things have left me feeling sort of betrayed. See - i told you this was going to be a long post... Although i need to do it quickly coz i have much to be doing this afternoon as usual...

right ok... so generally the day started well - thought i was going to be late for the bus because i couldn't find my purple book for bible class (still haven't) but wasn't *was pleased* and walking along listening to worship songs always gets me focused on God and ready to start the day and be a witness for him...

then... i walk into the church only for Iain (minster) to walk in 2 mins later to annouce to the room that Margaret Guthrie (our church organist) died on the early hours of Saturday morning. She's been fighting cancer for a long time now, but this was completely unexpected, even by the docs. She had been away on holiday with her brother last week and they had returned early on Friday because she wasn't feeling all that well... but she passed away during the night at the hospital. So that came as a bit of a shock to everyone... coz i mean she was playing the piano etc at church just the other week. In a way, i think it was probably better for her to have gone rather than stayed and endured months more of pain...*sad*

Then i'm greeted by Dave Munro who is involved in the children's work in the church... i've never seen him as ajitated as he was... normally he's quite a calm and collected person, but i could tell he was a bit hacked off about something... turns out that on Wednesday night the Kirk Session of the church voted in favour of getting another student next year instead of persuing a permanent post (either PT or FT)... He was absolutely gutted, and i think he was expecting me to join him in that... And it has left me feeling slightly frustrated at the stupidity of the situation but i realise that there's no point in me getting really angry about it... As far as i'm concerned the majority of the people who made that decision know NOTHING about young work... and i really feel for the young people... apparently the general concensus by the KS was that there's no point in making a huge investment in young people because once they're of age they head off to uni and you don't see them again - and that just, in all honesty, really saddens me... apparently there was a real lack of spirituality which i can believe... it gets to me that these people lack faith so much. The Church will never move forward without exercising a little faith and taking some 'risks'. I then proceeded to have another 2 other completely seperate individuals come up to me at different points over the morning sharing their frustration over this decision... one of whom seriously urged me to consider a PT position with the posibility of looking at a PT job of some sort in another area... I dunno... as I've said all along, i'm looking to God to direct me through this... but me aside - SERIOUSLY, they NEED to consider the damage that this will do... if they rebound onto a first year student every 3 years then the ministry at Kenmure will not survive. Part of me just can't see how a 1st year student could take on and develop the minsitry which i had to build from scratch. part of me knows that whatever happens God is Sovreign over all, and it's out of my hands, so there's no point in me getting worked up over it... so this frustration vs. a strange sense of peace over the whole thing is just weird.

betrayal... this is where Sheena and George come in. Neither of them so much as mentioned the vote to me when i was at their's on Thursday night, despite the fact that George is the Session Clark and so would have been involved in the vote... instead i had to find it out from some random person at church. That sorta hurts. They could have at least said something.... it's not like KS meetings are confidential. In fact i'm in 2 minds about whether i should go to the next one. i'm doing a presentation at the one in january... which now i envisage it being a 'well this is what i've done for the past 3 years, but you're about to knock the knees out of it and destroy it so congratulations' presentation. At Kenmure there's a need for so much to happen, in family ministry, pastoral visits, schools work... none of this can happen if the KS decides that their young people aren't WORTH having the best, but instead having a trainee all the time...

they've been lucky with me... but not every student at the ICC are 'gold'... i'm not trying to big myself up here... but it is a fact that every year i've been here at least a quarter of the youth min students have dropped out by christmas or easter... and half of those left only see their work as a job, not as a calling... it's individuals like these that don't make the extra effort to get to know the new guy, or meet up for coffee with the girl who seems to be really low about stuff, or who makes an effort to provide extra activities outside the church in order to help the young people to have a wholesome experience of faith... instead these individuals clock their hours and refuse to work past their 20 hours... IF that... the bottom line is that at the moment Kenmure requires more than 20 hours... and with the situations i've been dealing over the past 8 months, they need someone who has experience not a newbie...

essentially i'm willing to put all of this in God's hands... I won't be there... if the minstry flops, then maybe that's the warning sign that the KS need to get their act into gear... but seeing as i've now witnessed their lack of seeing the importance in young people, i don't think that they'd even be worried about that 'warning sign'. sucks.

so yeh... there been all the junk that's currently circling my head... and now that its taken me like 40 mins to write that, it means that i only have and hour and a half to get all my stuff together for anathallo and get back to church *joy*

posted by TLT @ 2:12 pm

2 Comments:

At 3:12 pm, Anonymous said…

My fathers way may twist and turn
My heart may throb and ache,
But in my soul I'm glad I know
For He maketh no mistake.

My cherished plans may go astray
My hopes may fade away,
But still I'll trust my Lord to lead
For He doth know that way.

Tho' night be dark and it may seem
that day will never break.
I'll pin my faith, my all in Him,
He maketh no mistake.

There's so much now I cannot see,
My eyesight's far too dim!
But come what may, I'll simply trust
and leave it all to Him.

For by and by the mist will lift
and plain it all He'll make.
Through all the way, tho' dark to me
He made now one mistake.

A.M.Overton
At 9:46 pm, Anonymous said…

:-( that realy sucks but i guess you will be out of it soon and if they have to learn the hard way then thats the way they will.